White coat. Heels.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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