That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
