Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
