We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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