Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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