doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
