my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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