I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
