I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
