Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
