I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
