Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
