I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
