we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your cock deserves a montage
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
