i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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