Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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