I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
