she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
