feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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