I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
