I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
