So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
