So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
