Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize