I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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