ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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