As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
