OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize