Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize