i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
