i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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