After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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