i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
