my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize