finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
