how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
