JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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