Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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