you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
