It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
