when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
