ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
