Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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