i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
