Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
