I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Randomize
