Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
