I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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