I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
