Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
