So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
