YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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