Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
