I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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