If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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