I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
