Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
