Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize