drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
