I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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