if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
