She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
