I skipped work to stalk him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
