apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
false alarm, still single
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
