I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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