i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize