Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
