We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Success! We fucked roommates!
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