my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize